So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
