dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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