and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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