i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
