you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
