Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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