Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
