You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
