yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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