My room smells like vodka and shame
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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