I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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