Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
