Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
