Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize