i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
