I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.