btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.