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Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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