i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
