I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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