I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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