I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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