dude i'm inner monologue high
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
