And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
