Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
