let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
