I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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