Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
