Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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