have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
