I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
