i just wanna soil my oats bro
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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