You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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