why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize