help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
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apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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