I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize