The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
