god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
