i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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