he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
