If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
