apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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