then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
