moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize