you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
