just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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