I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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