Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize