How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
