What did we do last night that was yellow?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
