mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
