he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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