I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
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i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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