There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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