You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.