I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain