I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In theory, it seemed like it would work.