I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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