Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
