I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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