I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
