My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
