I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Randomize
