Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
