So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
